Sometimes it can be hard to know what we are feeling. Maybe you’ve been told that some feelings are bad or that what you are feeling is wrong. If you grew up in an emotionally chaotic household you may have learned that feelings were dangerous and best surpressed. Or maybe, as if often true, you are feeling several things all at once and some of them are even contradictory!
Despite the challenges, its important to be in touch with our emotions. Feelings can give us the energy we need to face challenges, communicate to others our state of mind, and communicate to ourselves. Emotions help us identify our values, needs and wants as well as signal that something needs attending to. Emotions are not good or bad or “negative” or “positive”. Everything we feel is valid, although some feelings are more comfortable to experience than others. Finally, stopping to name our emotions gives us some time and space from our feelings, and helps to keep our emotions from escalating.
Here are some ways to help put a name to our feelings:
- What just happened? What is this feeling a reaction to? Did something not turn out the way you hoped? You might be feeling sad. Did you just receive a wonderful surprise? You might be feeling happy.
- What interpretations are we making about this event? If you believe you’ve been treated unfairly, you might be feeling angry. If you believe you might lose someone important to you, you might be feeling fear.
- What are you feeling in your body? Emotions affect everyone differently, but there some basic physical reactions that are common. For example, fear may make it hard to breathe, causes our heart rate speed up and muscles to tense. Butterflies in the stomach is another common effect of fear. Sadness feels heavy, saps our energy and motivation, while anger feels hot. When we are angry our muscles tense and our hands may clench. Next time you feel a strong emotion pay attention to your body to discover your unique physical manifestations of emotion.
- One of the quickest ways to identify emotions is to be aware of your impulses. For example, if you feel like fleeing, your probably afraid. If you want to ask for forgiveness, you are probably experiencing guilt. If you have an urge to smile and act silly, you are probably happy.
Naming and accepting our feelings opens up a whole new world of experience, adding colour and texture to our lives. While it might take some effort, if you want to revel in the pleasant feelings and better tolerate the uncomfortable ones the work is worth it.
